“I’m working on a screenplay,” Kyle told the literary agent. “It’s based on the idea that most movies don’t have near enough car crashes.”
“And yours has lots of crashes?” asked the agent.
“It’s a symphony of car crashes, beginning with fender benders and progressing to head on smashups where the cars crumple like beer cans on a frat brother’s forehead, and ultimately ending in an inferno of big rigs and monster trucks.”
“What about those oversized trucks they use for mining?” asked the agent.
“That’s a great idea. I could add that.”
“What’s the plot?”
“Well, it’s more about the car crashes, but it’s a love story too.”
“Tell me more.”
“The main character, Guy, is totally into cars and misunderstood by his girlfriend, Elena, who wants him to quit his unprofitable car-painting business and help her with her multi-million dollar online baby shoe business. He’s nearly ready to capitulate, becoming the shoe salesman he dreads, just like his father who died in a haze of alcohol and men’s loafers, when he has an epiphany. If Guy can make the world record by crashing the most cars, it will bring him the fame he desires and he will be able to paint the cars of the rich and famous, thereby surpassing the earnings of his girlfriend’s millions and keeping him from baby booty hell.
“Unfortunately, Guy has a nemesis named Furioso, the same one who stole his childhood friends away by claiming Guy had invisible toenail fungus. Furioso has heard about Guy’s dream of crashing the most cars, and he proceeds to prevent it in every way possible, using itching powder, laxative gum, and 127 different types of guns and explosive devices.”
“What happens with the love story part?”
“There’s a girl named Candy whose job is to wear bikinis while holding up signs at wrestling matches. She’s the only one who believes in Guy’s dream. Candy has a collection of pet snakes, which she enjoys coiling around herself for self-portraits. She raises banana slugs and mice for the snakes to eat, and when Guy realizes that Furioso has a crushing fear of both, he uses them to foil Furioso, and the car crashes take place as scheduled. Guy succeeds in breaking the record and has all kinds of advertising sponsors wanting to support him in future crashing sessions. Elena drops Guy because she has found a girly man who likes knitting baby booties. Guy realizes his love for Candy.”
“Okay, send it to me. I’ll take a look at it.”

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