To Whom It May Concern:
I highly recommend Aaron Bowling for a position in your company. Aaron recently worked at Smeltloesser Corp. on our assembly line. His positive attributes include attention to detail, hard work, and last but not least, his sense of humor. Aaron had perfected such difficult-to-accomplish skills as the “ye….no,” the double take, the spit take (spewing out a gulp of water on hearing something unexpected), tripping over his own foot, and a wide variety of pratfalls. He also has an astounding aptitude for interjecting “much” phrases (e.g., wash much? Get out much? Drink much?) to great comedic effect.
Although these skills may appear to have little to do with machine assembly, they proved quite beneficial, statistically speaking, to Smeltloesser Corp. For example, one day a well-timed whoop had the whole number 5 assembly line laughing so hard that production was halted for over twenty minutes. Although such antics are incongruous in theory with Smeltloesser company goals, morale was so high that day that overall production increased by 7.87%.
If it were up to me, Aaron would still be working at Smeltloesser Corp. However, due to an unfortunate incident involving Aaron and our entire board of directors, I had to let Aaron go. I personally believe it was a one-time occurrence, and had the board not decided to meet in the smaller conference room that day, it would never have happened. In addition, factory production levels on the day of the incident soared to an unheard of high of 157%.
In summary, if you have the ability to conduct statistical comparisons in lieu of spot judgments, you will appreciate and benefit from having Aaron as a part of your staff.
President, Smeltloesser Corp.