“A 50-year-old South African man thought to be dead woke up in a chilly morgue on Sunday and shouted to be let out, scaring off two attendants who thought he was a ghost, local media reported.” —The Telegraph

Where’s my blanket? What’s this thing on my toe and why’s it so cold in…wait a minute. This isn’t my bedroom. Where the hell…? Oh, crap. They really screwed up this time. First they misdiagnose my stomach condition, and now this. Did they have to tie this tag on so tight? Figures, they misspelled my name.

I can’t let this get to me, my blood pressure will go sky-high. So what if I woke up in a room full of dead people. Look at the bright side. I’m not dead. Hey, maybe not all of them are dead. I wasn’t. Maybe we’re all in the same situation. Hey, everybody, wake up!

Nope, they’re all dead. Deader than doornails. Deader than a box of rocks. No wait, the expression is dumber than a box of rocks. Either way, it’s a shame. It would be fun to have a laugh with them. And it wouldn’t be so damn creepy in here.

Well, I’d better get back to the living. My poor family, thinking I’m dead. Hold on, there’s somebody out there. Oh, this is great, I could really have fun with this. If I just cut a couple of eye holes in this sheet…there we go. All right, here I come. Hey guys! Boooooo!

Oh that was great. I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time. Everybody should have a faux-death experience at least once in their life.

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