Dear Amy,
When we moved to Breakneck, Washington, we made all kinds of jokes about breaking our necks (how could you not? Make jokes, I mean). I never thought I would actually do it (break my neck, I mean). How did I break my neck? Well you’d never guess. With the end of the world happening, the weather guy predicted a rain of frogs or snakes. Well, we got rain, but it was a rain of slugs. We were all slapping our foreheads, because OF COURSE we should have known it would be slugs in Washington, especially this side of the mountains.

Anyway, you know me, I couldn’t just watch it from the window, I had to grab an umbrella, go outside, and see the rain of slugs for myself up close and personal. I got so caught up in watching them fall from the sky that I didn’t watch my step and I slipped on a really gargantuan banana slug. You’d think that layer of slugs on the ground would have cushioned my fall, and they did, but not enough. I hit a big chuck of lava or brimstone or whatever it was that came out of last month’s volcano, and fractured one of my vertebrae. Just a little, but I’ll be in a neck brace for a while.

The positive: I got to choose the color of my neck brace! Purple, of course. Maybe I’ll get lucky and break some more bones, and get a whole rainbow of braces and casts. I wonder what’s in store for us next? We’ve got a betting pool and my money’s on demons.

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