Dear Amy,

The End of the World just seems to go on forever. We had a flood the other day. It came on fast. I thought I had time to save a few things from the house, but before I knew it the water was as high as the top of the bookcases and rising. I thought I was going to drown. Well was I ever surprised when a demon heard me screaming, smashed through the roof, and saved me.

When he carried me out, I had a box in my arms. Everything else was destroyed by the flood, so our only possessions were the things in the box: a broken Ipad, a cheap plastic bracelet, and a bunch of Styrofoam peanuts (that’s why the box was floating).

The demon—he calls himself Kirk—seemed especially interested in the plastic bracelet, so I gave it to him. Well, it turns out in his culture that means we’re married! I tried to tell him that I already had a husband but my demonspeak isn’t very good and he just doesn’t get it. John is really jealous, because Kirk keeps bringing me flowers. I tell him not to be jealous, since corpse flowers aren’t really my idea of romance, but you know how men are.

I figure if it was that easy to get married to a demon, it’s probably that easy to get a divorce (or annulment, whatever). Once I figure that out, this drama will be over and it’ll be on to the next drama.

Did you ever figure out what to do about your bunions? You know I worry about you.

Love,
Dianne

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