Magli’s parents had meant to name him after the Norse God of strength, but accidentally copied the wrong name off the baby name list. Instead of Magni (strength) they called him Magli (without swagger), only discovering their error when he was five years old. As Magli grew, the name seemed to fit the particularly nerdy and introverted child more and more. By the time he was an adult, he had accepted his swagger-free fate.

That is, until the day Magli discovered Old Spice Swagger shampoo and reasoned that, though born swaggerless, he didn’t have to remain so; a convenient product could alter his situation for a mere $3.99. After purchasing the Old Spice Swagger, he lathered, rinsed, and repeated, then went out into public to experience the result.

There was no difference. Magli still felt like the same timid young man, although his scalp tingled with what he assumed was deep-down-clean. But then he noticed a passerby staring at his head in approval. Of course. His hair was swaggerful, because he’d used the shampoo, while the rest of him remained unswaggered. Magli returned home and doused his whole body in Old Spice Swagger shampoo. This time, the shampoo worked wonders. Not only did he feel swaggerful through and through, but also everybody who saw him gave him an admiring smile, a solid fist bump, or an outright laugh of good-natured appreciation.

It doesn’t matter what you name your child. Good old-fashioned consumerism will make everything all right in the end.

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