Dear Amy,

Sorry it took so long to reply, but it’s been just crazy around here. It turns out the Mayans were right, but only about Breakneck, Washington! Something to do with a vortex, I’m not really clear how it works. The world is ending after all, but only in our neck of the woods. Who knew when we moved here for the peace and quiet that it would be anything but!

Anyway, we’ve had a volcano erupt in the front yard and a pit to Hell open up in the back yard. They’re surprisingly similar with fire and sulfur and all, but when you go out into the front yard the fire rains on you, and in the back yard you fall into the fire. John rigged up a fence around the pit, and we hold restaurant-sized pot lids over our heads if we have to go out in the front. Now it’s easier to get the mail without it (and my hair!) catching on fire.

The positive: we’re saving on our heat bill this year. Had to turn it off, in the middle of winter! Though I worry about summer and the cost of running the air conditioner. Hard to say how long this will go on for though. It’s a first for us.

Whoops, gotta go. There’s some guy with a hood and sickle at the door. More later.

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