Blackmail

Here’s what I threatened to write in an earlier post, based on one of the items in the list.

Dustin: Uncle Louis, tell me a story.

Uncle Louis: Nah, I told you one last time. Okay, okay, don’t look at me like that, kid. What do you want it to be about?

Dustin: Hot air.

Uncle Louis: Hot air? Why hot air?

Dustin: We learned in school that hot air rises.

Uncle Louis: Oh yeah? Why does hot air rise?

Dustin: I don’t know.

Uncle Louis: Well I’ll tell you why. It used to be that Cold Air and Hot Air could both be low to the ground. They both liked it better than being up high.

Dustin: Why?

Uncle Louis: Why do you like playing Xbox?

Dustin: I just do.

Uncle Louis: See, same thing. They just like being lower to the ground. Anyway, Cold Air was jealous of Hot Air because Hot Air was smarter and better looking. Hot Air was like the Brad Pitt of air.

Dustin: Who’s Brad Pitt?

Uncle Louis: You make me feel old. He’s just a good looking guy, okay?

Dustin: You can’t see air.

Uncle Louis: YOU can’t see air. Air can see air. So anyway, Cold Air decided to blackmail Hot Air…

Dustin: What’s blackmail?

Uncle Louis: Remember that time you caught me getting into your parent’s Scotch and you said you wouldn’t tell them if I let you eat all the cookies you wanted?

Dustin: Yeah.

Uncle Louis: You blackmailed me. Get it?

Dustin: Yeah.

Uncle Louis: Okay. So Cold Air told Hot Air to stay off the ground, or Cold Air was going to tell everybody that Hot Air was gay.

Dustin: It’s okay to be gay.

Uncle Louis: I know, smartass, but this was a long time ago when people had heartburn over it. So anyway, from then on, Hot Air always rose. But Hot Air has never been happy about the situation, and sometimes they fight. Whenever you see a tornado, you know that Hot Air and Cold Air are going at it. And now that it’s okay to be gay, Hot Air keeps coming back to the ground and that’s what’s causing global warming. The end.

Dustin: Can I have some cookies?

Uncle Louis: No. Go to sleep.

Dustin: If you let me have all the cookies I want, I won’t tell Mom and Dad that you…

Uncle Louis: Let me tell you something about blackmail. Do it too much, and you get a reputation.

Dustin: What’s a reputation?

Uncle Louis: That means, go ahead and tell your parents, then they won’t ask me to babysit you again. Is that what you want?

Dustin: No.

Uncle Louis: Okay then. Go to sleep and next time I’ll tell you the story of why you get hiccups.